Emotional Numbness, and What Helps to Feel Again

What causes emotional numbness: that feeling of having almost zero emotions during major life transitions, when we’d expect feelings to be intense? What are ways to fix this odd frozen feeling? Read on to learn.

As background, my name is Lillie, and I’ve been a certified Reiki and chakra balancing professional since 2018. The insights in this article come from hands-on work with hundreds of clients over the years — as well as my own personal experiences.

What is Emotional Numbness?

What does it mean to be emotionally numb? Being “numb” means not feeling anything — as can happen when your fingers get very cold on a winter day — so emotional numbness is about not having or showing feelings… often in an eerie manner, such as during times you’d expect to be full of emotions, like divorce.

As an example from my own life on that topic: During the months I was going through marriage separation after ten years as a couple, I found myself strangely calm, demonstrating an almost flat affect. It wasn’t until over a year after the divorce process was complete that I started to feel emotions “correctly” again. Why does this happen?

Causes of “Frozen” Feelings

Here’s the important piece about emotional numbness: it’s not all bad. Yes, it’s kind of creepy to not feel what you’d expect to, but if you think about it, it’s often the body’s way of protecting us and keeping us moving forward during a difficult time. Let’s look at an example connected with the green aura of the 4th or Heart Chakra.

One day I had a client come into my Reiki studio asking about signs of blocked feminine energy, because she was “all numbed out in every way.” Upon doing a chakra scan, it became clear that her Heart Chakra — the energy center about compassionate love for others — was intensely powerful and active, but also completely exhausted.

In other words, the woman was taking care of everyone else, but not making the time to tap into her own needs and wants. A remedy for this is often the release of crying during Reiki: allowing yourself to actually FEEL what your body has been trying to tell you, and let it out in sobs.

When I explained this suggestion of crying for grief relief to the woman, she replied, “I cannot allow myself to cry. If I actually let myself feel my own pain and exhaustion, I won’t be able to stay strong and support others — and they’re relying on me.” Such an important statement! Let’s unpack this further…

Fixes when Emotionally Numb

This client was correct: Emotional numbness serves the important function of helping us continue to function, even when times are difficult, and even if it makes us a little robotic. That said, ultimately, it is healthier to learn how to engage with feelings and memories again. Just be warned that we must “thaw” our numbness with caution; do not rush in without fully understanding the implications.

It will not be easy when you start feeling again — be prepared for a flood of emotions, where there once was only barren emptiness, and be prepared to make some possible life changes as a result: from beginning to make requests, to changing careers, relationships, or living situations. However, despite the intensity of the “unthawing” experience, it will be worth it in the end when you’re truly living authentically. The feeling of release and groundedness is worth it.

So, what are ways to fix emotional numbness, once you’re ready to feel again? The key is consciously allowing yourself to face your actual feelings. Methods that work for this include: meditation, talk therapy, journaling, quitting alcohol and other substances, talking with trusted people, exercise, sleep, and other healthy self-care, and energy work such as acupuncture or Reiki.

A statement that particularly helped me, paired with Reiki, is: “The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s fear.” I found being truly honest with myself about fear was an access point to opening floodgates of emotion. Remember: We can still be strong AND have feelings. (See “What is Reiki?” for more on how this modality works.)

Emotional Numbness, in Sum

I hope this article on emotional numbness has been helpful. If you’ve experienced it, what was it like for you? Do you agree that one of the benefits of Reiki is that it helps us reconnect with our feelings? Do share…